Day 107: Of Blowouts and The Bathing Ritual

Before I record my second posting for the day, I shall describe the events leading up to the “blowout” incident in question.  This particular incident involves Wednesday, the tribe’s blowout princess.  For some time now, I have not been present at nor have I observed any disposable undergarment explosions of late, however, earlier this evening, I was indeed paid in full for that deficiency.  Wednesday has been consuming solid food for a short period of time now, perhaps three or four weeks at least.  Her response to consuming the solid mixture has been favorable; no ill effects have been discovered regarding the change in diet for the young native.  Today, methinks that changed.

Last evening’s menu consisted of a reddish mixture in the flavor of carrots.  Before that, previously yesterday was that of peaches.  At best, I can only recall one bowel movement yesterday, perhaps her last, prior to her consuming the carrot mixture.  That was it, until today at approximately thirty minutes past the four o’clock hour in the afternoon.  Having heard the young native emit sounds that coincide with that of having a bowel movement, I determined that the native indeed needed to be changed.  I extricated her from the circular exercise apparatus and was about to prepare her for the changing of the disposable undergarment.  That’s when I noticed a cold, wet sensation on my left arm.  After placing the native down on the reclining tribal furniture, I determined what I had feared: Wednesday had done it again.

Gathering my composure and realizing the urgency of cleaning up the young native, I quickly gathered all of the tools necessary for the job: disposable wipes, a clean disposable undergarment and a new outfit for Wednesday.  Soon, the native was clean and clothed again and I discarded for cleaning, the soiled outfit she had been wearing.  At no time during this process did Wednesday display any disagreeable emotions.

Soon, Wednesday fell off to her slumbers and I was left to observe her elder sibling, Tuesday.  Tuesday displayed normal behavior, consisting of rambunctious behavior in the tribal living space and sounds imitating an epic sneeze.  Soon she consumed her evening sustenance and was eager to begin preparations for her slumbers.  Thus, I give you, The Bathing Ritual.

The Bathing Ritual is quite a sight to behold and to be present at.  Tuesday is very eager for the bathing ritual to be performed, for whilst I am preparing the water basin to bathe the rambunctious native, she is bellowing at the top of her lungs for me to come and remove her clothing so she may enter the bath.  Methinks I am fortunate that there exists a gate between the bathing area and the tribal living space, for I think Tuesday would enter the wash basin fully clothed.  Methinks that I am also fortunate that the young native does not possess the ability to disrobe and discard her clothing by herself.  When the water in the wash basin was fully drawn, I then proceeded to retrieve Tuesday.

She does not run away from me in this instance, rather, she implores me to take her to the bath, clothes and all.  First, I must disrobe her down to her disposable undergarment in the tribal living area; doing so in the bath would yield unfavorable results to be sure.  Once full disrobed, I remove her to the bath.  Standing her on the indoor latrine, I remove the disposable undergarment.  At this point, Tuesday is beating her chest, much like a gorilla or some other large primate.  And finally, I place her in the wash basin.

The wash procedure itself is perhaps not the most interesting portion of the bathing ritual.  Rather, it is the objects that are included in the bathing ritual and the behavior the native displays that make this a sight to behold.  In the wash basin are several objects of particular interest to the young native: a floating yellow rubber aquatic bird that squeaks when squeezed, a plastic boat that also floats until it takes on water, a small cup used for rinsing and a pair of cloths used during the cleaning process.  Additional items may include but are not limited to additional aquatic birds of varying sizes and colors, additional boats and other aquatic animals whose function is to be a recreational item for young natives.  I will note that on several occasions I have had to reprimand Tuesday from attempting to drink the bathing water out of the small cup.

First, I begin with cleansing the native’s hair.  The lathering of soap is agreeable to the young native, however the rinsing process is not.  Before fully rinsing the soap from her hair, the young native is standing up, attempting to retreat from the water being dowsed over her head.  After admonishing her to return to her seated position, I continue the cleaning process that progresses much more favorably.

Now, I must say throughout this whole bathing ritual, Tuesday enjoys sharing the water in the basin with me – in a slightly exuberant manner.  Splashing with both appendages, sometimes all four, legs and arms, she soon displaces as much water outside the basin as there is in.  I sometimes question which one of us received the bathing ritual and who performed it.

Nevertheless, the bathing ritual concludes once the plug is removed from the drain.  The native is spellbound by the water leaving the basin and escaping down the strange hole in the bottom.  Once the water is gone, I implore her to stand up, finally, and wrap her in a covering designed for drying natives her size from bathing and proceed to apply a disposable undergarment and proper bedtime clothing.  Thus, the Bathing Ritual is complete and the native is somewhat prepared for her slumbers.

Now to dry up the aftermath of the native’s exuberant splashing tendencies…


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