Day 516: Tuesday Practices The Arts of the Medicine Man…on Me.

It has been some time since last I recorded an entry – much of the usual behavior has occurred within the tribe – Tuesday and Wednesday continue to struggle with who owns what in their relationship, the tribal abode continues to be renovated on a daily basis and tribal milestones come and go.  Indeed.  Today’s entry however, is specific to Tuesday in nature.  Today’s post examines Tuesday’s new-found interest and practice in “medicinal arts.”

Recently, Tuesday celebrated a milestone – three years of age.  Recalling her behavior over the past year, Tuesday is very, very fortunate to have survived to the age of three.  Like super lucky.  Like so lucky, she should go play a lottery ticket.  Regardless, a celebration was had and tribal elders and relative came bearing gifts as tokens to the star of the celebration.  One such gift was a play medical kit that a medicine man would carry.  This kit was complete with pink glitter on the bag and tools.  The kit consisted of an instrument to listen to the heart, an instrument to check a patient’s blood pressure, an otoscope, a thermometer, a syringe and a bandage.  The kit was accompanied by a doll, one can only assume to use as a voodoo doll, however, it seemingly matched the other instruments in the kit.  Tuesday, upon opening said kit, immediately took to it and held it close, never letting it far from her sight.

The date of the celebration is four days past and still the medical kit is a favorite of the inspired native.  She has used her medical skills that she has acquired to examine many patients in the tribal abode, however, I have remained unscathed…until today.

I am skeptical of the arts of the Medicine Man, especially of the arts of a native having only practiced for four days.  Having watched the habits and actions of the native daily over some time, I have come to fear her attempts to “help” or “treat” any of my afflictions that I may or may not have.  Still, however, I realized, “How bad could it actually be?”  Most other natives and elders examined appeared to survive the check-up, so what would be the harm in allowing the native to provide me with medical care?  Indeed.  What would be the harm, indeed.

She began her tests by first applying the blood pressure cuff around my wrist as it was too small to go around my arm.  No, my arms are not that muscular to have had it not fit, I could only dream of that being the excuse.  Quite simply, the cuff was made for a native.  After securing the cuff haphazardly around my arm or wrist, she began to pump up the cuff which really didn’t do much at all.  Pleased with the results, she said, “Looks good,” and proceeded to move on to a bandage, which I did not need.  However she persisted.  The bandage was placed around my middle two fingers, which she felt was adequate.  As quickly as it was placed, it was removed and she proceeded with the thermometer, which was placed under my left arm.  Five seconds later, she removed it responding that it was good as well.  She then reached for the otoscope to test my eyes and ears ( I know, it’s really only for ears, but humor me here ) and proceeded to look in my eyes and ears.  Pleased with what she had observed, she responded with “Your ears are clean and healthy,” to which I was relieved.  Who knew a three-year old knew how a clean ear should look?  She finished her examination by listening to my heart, which was also determined as being good.  Following the examination, she scuttled off to finish watching a program on the electronic media box.  I guess that’s it.  Was I free to go about my business?  Who would get the  bill?

A few minutes later, she returned and the whole process was repeated, with similar results.

I am relieved that my check-up went so well.  It appears that I am receiving the best health care money can buy.  As long as I’m healthy, that is.

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