Day 640: Waking Tactics of the Natives

I have come to the great conclusion that neither native, Tuesday nor Wednesday, has the ability to let another being, be it wildlife or human in nature, remain asleep.  The natives are particularly crafty about discovering new and obnoxious ways to wake each other, the wildlife or myself or the tribal leader.  The observations I have made clearly show that there is little regard for slumber around the tribal abode and even at this hour, Wednesday is STILL wide fucking awake.  Let’s rewind to earlier today, particularly the morning hours.

In this tribal culture, twice a year, the tribe undergoes a time change – not time travel, per se, but a changing of the devices that manage time in the tribal abode.  This magical time of year is referred to as Daylight Savings Time or Let’s Fuck With Your Brain Time.  The custom in this culture is to set the time management devices ahead one hour or behind one hour, depending on the season.  For example, in the spring, the time management devices are set one hour ahead, causing a loss of an hour during the overnight slumber period of the tribe in exchange for an extra hour of daylight on the other end of the day.  This change occurred on evening last, causing a loss of one hour’s slumbers to all inhabitants that practice this insane custom.  I like to refer to it as the “Let’s Fuck With Your Brain Time” because it disturb’s one’s sense of time and causes one to be seemingly prematurely fatigued, not to mention the disturbance of what regular meal times are.  Yes.  And the natives?  Well, they have not regard for time or hour or whatever.  They do, however, have an excellent sense for how to obnoxiously wake a sleeping native

This morning, Wednesday awoke before any of the other inhabitants of the tribal abode.  It’s almost sickening really, the happy, pleasant disposition she awakens with.  If she realizes that her elder sibling (or anyone else for that matter) is not awake, she will begin The Babbling.  The Babbling is a phenomenon that occurs fairly regularly with this native; it begins with quiet, nonsense and cooing noises, as a warm-up for louder, more established vocals.  This will occur for a few minutes, but generally morphs into more familiar and discernible noises and sounds – sometimes blowing raspberries or other fart type noises amuse her mirth and other times, it’s a rousing recitation of her alphabetic runes.  And, just recently, Wednesday has added singing to her repertoire of vocals – this morning’s musical selection was Row, Row, Row Your Boat.  Row, Row, Row Your Fucking Boat.

The singing started out softly, perhaps she was attempting to find the right key to sing the tune in, perhaps she wanted to build her crescendo from the softest tones she could emit – whatever the intent, she built the tune until it got louder and louder, the tune getting slightly better each time she sang it.  Multiple times?  Yes, fucking multiple times.

After several choruses of Row, Row, Row Your Boat and a few recitations of the alphabet, and, not getting the intended attention from her elder sibling, Wednesday moved onto other items in their resting chambers, such as a musical sound keyboard.  This musical sound keyboard plays both music, like a traditional music keyboard, as well as other sounds: music, voices, colors, etc.  The item can be connected to the electronic media box providing further interaction for the natives.  But this morning’s musical interlude with this particular item remained solely in their resting chambers.  How do I know this?  I. Heard. It. All.  I heard it all over the electronic two-way monitors that allow the tribal leader and myself to hear EVERYTHING that goes on in the native’s resting chambers.  Everything.

Wednesday is particularly fond of this keyboard.  So fond, in fact, that she finds it both amusing and satisfying to pound on said keyboard, making the noises come out, frequently, haphazardly, obnoxiously.  This activity went on for several minutes.  Several. Minutes.  What. The. Fuck.  I was perplexed with what to do: should I speak over the monitor to the boisterous Wednesday, informing her that she needed to settle down and not wake her sibling or should I continue to let her pound away, making enough noise to wake the tribes around the neighborhood, as well as the dead.  Can’t forget them.  I elected to remain silent until the natives sought the tribal leader and myself and we remained holed up in our resting chambers.  With any luck, they’d forget about us.

Unfortunately, this was short-lived.  Wednesday had succeeded: Tuesday was now awake.  Shit.  They carried on for a few more minutes until finally there was a violent thud against the door to our resting chambers. Egad!  They had found us.  And that was the end of sleep for the tribal leader and myself for today.

The actions of Wednesday that I just described are typical – they are often employed by Tuesday as well, to awaken Wednesday, when the shoe is on the other foot.  I often request to the native that is awake when the other is not to LEAVE THEIR SIBLING ALONE.  Because I am mute and they are deaf, this request never gets heard and alas, the natives wake each other.  Such is life.

My point is, and I am in great hopes that this will change in the foreseeable future, the natives have no regard for anyone while they slumber.  Moreover, their tactics for waking said slumbering person have developed creatively and the natives have honed the finer points of how to obnoxiously wake another native.  At this hour, BOTH natives have awoken and are presently showing no signs of fatigue.  Sigh.


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